Mrs Hikada A VERY FEMENINE KENKEN!
by Anna Hibiki
Summary: Ken wants to be near Youji even after their break up, so he asks for Schuldig's help to get near him. Will Youji discover who Mrs. Hikada is? R&R!


Mrs. Hikada (a very femenine KenKen!)

By: Anna Hibiki

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers : Weiss is not mine! Koyasu-sama and other people with much more money than me owns it. It they were mine, KenKen and Youji would be together in the series, manga AND merchandising. But no, since it isn't mine, we YoKen fans have to cope with Koyasu's manipulative attempts to make everybody think that there's something between RanRan and Ken. I don't own the film Mrs. Doubtfire either.

Warnings : Shounen-ai, OCC, sillyness, a male dressing as a woman, horrible spelling mistakes.

Notes : Anything written in Italic are thoughts. Things /written this way/ are mental talk. "_Things written this way is for telephonic tal_k".

Sorry for my mistakes and bad English!

This fic can be read in my page, mediaminer.org and ff.net.

Prologue: Make me a woman.

Hidaka Ken sprawled widely on the couch, ignoring his friend and when-he's-angry-at-Yotan-and-need-someone lover. Well, not lover, we should rather call it a 'reliable fuck when there wasn't anyone else'.

"KenKen!" he reprimanded him for the third time that morning. "Do you think I can make this woman look like she has her face tattooed if you are sprawled like that! I'm human dammit!". Luckily for them, the woman was used to see the two men there and didn't complain.

Ken frowned at that "Then don't look at me!"

The other man left the make up supplies in the table, rose to his feet and moved to sit in Ken's stomach and lowered his head to kiss him lightly. "You distract me too much baby... If you keep doing this, I'll have to do something about it right here..." he said huskily, kissing him again, this time taking his time in tracing the brunette's lips with his tongue and rubbing his crotch against Ken's as if proving what he meant. /You want it, don't you liebe?/ Ken just moaned softly and wrapped an arm around the redhead's neck, his free hand resting on his hip.

Then the redhaired German turned to look at the woman sitting on the chair with only the right side of her face painted. "Do you mind that we have a quickie now? You know, the kid's delicio- Oiii!!" he whined when Ken caught his hair and tugged at it painfully.

"S-Schu! We're at the store! The-there's a customer- OIII!!!! Schuuu!! Stop it already!" he was blushing bright red while Schuldig's hair caressed his face as the German kissed him roughly. 

"Baka" he whispered against the soccer player's lips. "I'll get you for this".

He was going to kiss him again, but the telephone started to ring. "'kso! What's it now?"

He put away from Ken after giving him a last kiss on the nose and took the phone."Moshi Moshi? This is 'Schwarz' store, we can transform you in whatever you want or even-"

"_Shut up Schuldig. It's me._"

"Manx!? Omae no-... Did you have to call now? Ken's here, ya know"

"_Why do you think I called? Brad said he and Kudou broke up and now he doesn't have anywhere to go. Tell him to come here_." his roommate proposed.

/Ne, KenKen, what do you say? Wanna come to my place? You know I can make room for you anywhere/ he told the soccer player mentally, leering at him.

Ken shook his head. _I'm not going there! They just said it so they can laugh at me because Youji doesn't love me anymore. Well, now Crawford can take advantage that he's free, but what I'm saying? He didn't care that he was with me, so, bah, whatever.. _"I'm not going." He had been in a good mood while he was there with Schuldig, but he lost it when they mentioned Youji, the sadness he didn't let the others see was starting to come out.

"He sais he would love to, but he has something already"

"_Bah, whatever. Bye!_"

Schuldig hung the phone and returned to sit with Ken, who was covering his face with his hands. "C'mon don't worry baby, he'll come looking for you one of this days" he put Ken's hands away, his face never losing the playful grin "and while he decides to do so, you have here a sexy German who will entertain you." he purred seductively.

Ken blushed again, forgetting about Youji for a brief moment "Omae...!" he sigued soundly "Arigatou.. honto n-..!" he was cut again as Schuldig brushed his lips gently against his. The brunette rolled his eyes. "Can't you think of anything else?"

Schuldig pondered it for a moment "I would be wasting my time if I did that" he said softly.

This startled Ken, who didn't catch what the German said."Anyway, I have to finish with the make up of this lady or she won't be in time for her spectacle!" He ruffled Ken's hair and got up to continue his work.

When he glanced at Ken a while later, he noticed with a grin that he was sitting straight with his legs tightly closed.

.::.::.::.

_Omae no ahou!!_ he yelled at himself mentally. _You're just a fucking jealous bastard! First you cheat on him everytime you could, and when the sweet thing does it once and Omi sees, you kick Ken out of your house and your life! AHOU!_ He sigued softly and turned the hot water on, the until then cold water of the shower starting to get warm, caressing his tired muscles, relaxing him.

_But why did I react like that? Was it because the betray hurt or because of my pride? That I couldn't stand that someone had seen me being cheated on? _

_Ken... when he knew I had been sleeping with Brad, he didn't yell at me. He didn't react like I did._

_No matter how many people knew I cheated on him. He just looked sadly at me and said that he hoped that at least I had fun, so the pain he felt was worth something. Then he left our room and went to sleep with the chibis. And I..._

_I did it again. And again. Until eleven days ago, Omi came to me demanding to know why hadn't we told him that we weren't together anymore and Ken was now dating his telepath German friend._

_Now the chibi's feeling guilty of fucking everything up. It's not his fault though._

_When he came back, I yelled at him until I couldn't do it anymore and then kicked him out, giving him all his things that I had packed while he was out._

_For what Omi tells me, he's staying at Schuldig's store, sleeping on the couch, the chibi says. Ha, I bet anything he's there with the bastard fucking like rabbits._

_Wow, that's not a pretty sight. I think. But... I shouldn't care for it. We're not together anymore so..._

He finished drying his body with the white towel and put on his clothes.

Today was an important day for the Koneko no Sumu Ie, because they were going to sign with an old friend, Fujimiya Ran. He had two hotels and needed new flowers everyday, and lots of different arrangements that they were going to provide them, of course, winning lots of money, even if that meant he was going to work a lot since the chibis were at school and Ken wasn't there anymore.

But he was sure he could manage without him. He HAD to.

And that's how he finally entered into Ran's office. The gorgeous man was already waiting for him, an smirk was on place when he greeted the florist.

"Kudou, it's been a long time." he said calmly. "How are you doing?"

Youji gave him a grin of his own "Just fine, n' ya?"

Ran shrugged "As usual. Didn't you bring Hidaka or the kids?"

The tall blonde shook his head. "Iie. The chibis are taking care of the store, and Ken... well, you know, he's not living with us anymore."

Ran arched an eyebrow "Did you break up?"

"Hai"

"Oh, and why? Or should I say WHO was the one you cheated on him with this time? Crawford? Kase? Or was it any woman?"

"Shut up already. It was him who cheated." he murmured angrily.

"Oh, didn't think he'd had the guts to do it, but it seems that the kid isn't as stupid as I though he-"

"Don't talk about Ken like that!"

"Why? You're not with him anymore." He looked away and prepared the documents they needed. "I don't care what happened" he came back to his calmer self. "Anyway, let's see what kind of flowers will we receive?"

"Oh, of course, the flowers!" he slapped his forehead when he realized he was holding a CD-Rom in his hand. "Here. The catalog is in the disc."

"Then let's see. Come here." He motioned the older man to sit next to him and inserted the disk on his laptop.

Seconds later they started looking at the images of the different flowes.

"...see? These are probably people's favourites. Everybody likes roses, so they'll make all your customers happy. Yeah, I think you should buy lots of 'em"

"... Hai. Whatever... I don't want you to be mad at me for what happened in the past." he said suddenly.

Youji ignored him and continued talking about the flowers, but Ran continued insisting. "Look Ran, now is not the moment for that. After what has happened with Ken and all, I don't feel like doing nothing with you right now."

"Baka" he scowled at him "Would you want to talk to me one of this days... maybe this Thursday we can have dinner?"

"Etoo.."

"Okay, then see you next Thursday at nine. I'll pick you up. I have to go to an important meeting."

Before he stood up, he kissed Youji, just a peek that promised there'd be more at their date. Then he left the room, leaving there a smiling blonde.

.::.::.::.

"Demo... Ken-kun! You can't leave things like this! You have to talk to Youji-kun and make up! Is just that, that you don't try enough! If you love him and he loves you, then why can't you-"

"Shut up already Omi." Ken warned.

"But I don't want to! I'm starting to think that you don't love Youji-kun! How can you stay here so quiet while he's out there screwing anything that moves and-"

"Does that make any difference? He did the same while I was there."

"But Ken-kuuuuuun.. We need you!"

"Omi."

"And we need you at the shop, and in the kitchen, you know we can't cook! And..."

"That's why you want me back? Look, I'm not your fucking mother so I don't have to do those things" Ken said bitterly.

"They have to deal with it by themselves Omi-kun. You can't do anything." Nagi spoke softly, as usual, trying to stop what he knew was going to end in a big arguement.

It was then when they heard Youji's car.

Since Ken had just moved into an apartment in another city, the younger boys couldn't go see him on their on, so they had asked Youji to do it.

When they heard he car, Omi and Nagi stood up, ready to go.

"Sit down." Ken ordered. "He said he would come to pick you up at eleven, and it's only ten."

"But Youji-kun's there!"

"I don't care."

Youji continued calling from outside for a few minutes, until he grew tired and stopped.

Then he went up the stairs towards Ken's appartment and knocked at the door. Ken opened it.

"What the fuckin' heck do you want?" he asked desafiantly.

"I came to pick the chibis" the blonde repled coldly.

"They'll be here until eleven."

"I'm busy so they're coming with me now." he said entering into the appartment and frowning in disgust as he saw all the boxes and things that were placed everywhere carelessly (Ken had moved there the day before). "I would like to say this is a nice place, but I can't." he murmured as he looked at the table where they had been eating. There was also a little notebook and a pen.

"Youji?" Ken began tentatively. "What are you going to do with them? They need someone to take care of them, they're kids. Do you think you can handle the house and the Koneko?"

"Do you doubt it?" the look Ken gave him proved that YES, he highly doubted it. "Anyway, I'm going to hire a woman to do the things you did since I can't take care of it, I'm going to post an advertisement in the journals"

"NANI?!?" Ken was in shock. "No way! You can't do that!"

"Yeah, I can. Look" he took a piece of paper out of the pocket of his pants and gave it to Ken. "I'm going to give it today so tomorrow it's out."

"Oh," Ken read it carefully. He was going to say something, but he was cut by Nagi's screams. He had tripped with one of Ken's soccer balls and fallen to the floor.

Youji went to where the boys were and while he wasn't looking the idea came to Ken.

He quickly took the pen from the table and made a few changes on the numbers of the telephone number so nobody could call.

"C'mon, let's go chibis!" Youji chanted, opening the front door.

"Youji... The-the paper" Ken said sofly as he handed him the modified piece of paper, trying not to chuckle.

The older man just nodded and left the appartment after the chibis.

.::.::.::.

Youji was desperate. He had received twelve calls that morning of lots of weird people who wanted to take the job, and nobody seemed to be the right person to take care of the kids.

The telephone rang again. "Moshi moshi?"

"Kudou san be you?" an odly accented and too highpitched voice answered him.

"H-hai? And you are?"

"Jolie-san be ore!!" she said excitedly.

"Etoo... you called for the job, didn't ya?"

"Haii! Ore hear has that you have children! Like ore little kids. Yummm!!"

Youji was terrified. Even if he didn't understand what the woman said, he was sure he didn't want her in his house. "Oh, I'm sorry, but the job's already taken. Bye!"

He hung the phone. It was frustrating!

.::.::.::.

Ken hung the phone and laughed. Youji had sounded scared all the times he had called, each time with an oddest personality. But now was the momment for the good call.

He knew it.

A tired Youji answered his call. "Moshi moshi?"

"Oh, hello. Are you Kudou-san?" came a soft Osaka acented female voice. It was a little deep, but still nice.

"Yeah. And you... what did you.."

"I called for the advertisment darling. I just came from working on a house on Osaka. Is it still available?"

"Well, yeah. Could you talk about yourself?"

"Hai.. I've been working at this for the last six years. I've also worked on restaurants and know how to clean and all. Do you live with kids?" 

"Yeah.."

"Oh, I love them! But of course, no matter how much do you like them, you have to take good care of them and help them in everything you-"

"I think I founf the one I was looking for"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Do you want to come to my house to meet us?"

"That'd be nice." she said softly.

"By the way, your name is...?"

"Eto... Hikada! Hikada Ayumi" 

"Okay Hikada-san, then I'll give you our address..."

.::.::.::.

Ken entered like a tornado in Schuldig's store, launching himself into the redhead's arms and kissing him happily.

"Looks like someone's happy today." Schuldig said amused by Ken's good mood and then kissed him.

Ken wraped his arms around his neck and looked up at him with a big grin on his face.

Schuldig elevated and eyebrow, asking silently what happened.

"Schu... I want you to make me a woman".

tsu zu ku...

Oi!! I've started a non-angst fic! That's a record for me! ^_^ Anyway, what do you think so far? It's rather stupid, but after seeing for the 8th time Mrs. Doubtfire, I just had to write this.

I shouldn't be writing this while I have so many other chappies to write, butsince this is gonna be so short (5 or 6 chapters at the most), I just couldn't resist it.

The fic has YouKen and SchuKen "of course (let's see if anyone guess why do I say "of course" for the YoKen pairing, and it's not because I always write about them. If you're a YouKen fan you'll probably get it)", RanYouji and BradYotan and OmiNagi.

It's four in the morning so someone's going to try to sleep. I'll try to correct some of the mistakes one of this days. Until then...

Hasta el proximo capitulo!!

But before you leave, will you leave me a review? I really need 'em to continue writing! Any comments are welcome! ^^


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